Some Background

I really feel I want to share my journey into Grayson's Meadow. I'm not sure how to go about it. I guess I'll start with some background...


I have 8 children. I have always wanted a large family. 10 kids when I was younger, 6 kids when I was getting married. My attitude now - however many God wants to give me, but at 46, I'm sure 8 is as far as I'll go. I consider myself very blessed. I do not feel I've missed anything in life; I do not feel inferior if I'm around a woman of impressive career. I am right where I'm supposed to be and I'm content, and yet I look forward to the future.
My oldest 2 children came into my life when they were 5 and 3. They were from my husband's first marriage and in his constant care. I stepped in as "mom" when they were 5 and 3. They are my children. I love them with an intense and fierce love, as I love the children I've birthed. There is no difference in the love I feel toward them. When my oldest 2 were 10 and 8, I gave birth to my first biological child. 4 years later, I had another. 4 1/2 years later, I had another. 5 years later I gave birth to identical twins. 2 1/2 years later I gave birth to another. And I have a stepdaughter (actually a half step step daughter!) She is my husband's stepdaughter from his first marriage, and a vital part of our family. Including her, there are 9 children.
My children were all vivacious and completely healthy. Every pregnancy was amazing. Sure, I started off nauseous for the first 3 months, but when I hit the 4th month, my world became wonderful again. My last pregnancy came very unexpectedly, but welcomed with excitement all the same. My twins were not quite 2 when I found I was pregnant again. This pregnancy was different. I asked the Lord to spare me the sickness. I truly could not function if I were nauseous with trying to keep up with 2 year old very active boys! So, I was just sick in my mouth, if that makes any sense. It was a yucky taste I was given and not that whole "lay on the couch, do nothing because I absolutely can't stand it" sickness.
This baby was extremely active. The most active singleton I'd ever been pregnant with. My pregnancy was wonderful up until the day I went into labor. I had labor pains every 8 minutes. Later in the day my water broke, but it wasn't only my water. I was gushing blood! We rushed to the hospital. The heart monitor told me my baby was okay. An hour and a half later, I had lost 40% of my blood, and my baby was dead.


This is what I want to write about. As I'm able (and as I have my act together) I will post different excerpts from that journey - the journey into Grayson's Meadow.