When I awoke, I asked for my baby. I don't remember what the nurse told me. Something like, "I'm sorry"... It was not a point blank, "your baby died" but more a referencing that he didn't make it. I remember shaking my head and saying, "no,.. no." I didn't believe it. I was sure I was dreaming. I was trying to wake myself up. My eyes fluttered open and I saw an empty hospital bassinet. My brain said, "if your baby were alive he'd be in that crib." I started praying aloud. (I am a Spirit-filled Christian. Spirit-filled, in the pentecostal world, means at some point in my walk the Spirit of God came upon me and gave me a second language. I utilize that as my prayer language when I don't know how to pray, or when I need something beyond mere human words. You can read about this in the New Testament portion of the Bible: Acts chapter 2 and 1 Corinthians 12, 13, 14. It's the same thing.) Anyway,... I was praying while not quite fully aroused from the anesthesia. I heard a nurse ask, "what is she doing?" Another nurse answered, "she's praying in tongues." I immediately answered, "that's right. I'm praying in tongues." And I asked for Ed. I asked for my pastor.
I don't know how much time passed before Ed came in. It didn't seem too long. My eyes were still shut. I was having a hard time keeping them open. I don't know how many times I nodded off between these different conversations, or if I nodded off at all. Ed came in from behind. He put his head next to mine, his mouth was by my right ear. He didn't say a word at first. I was certain this was all just a bad dream and I was waiting for his words to confirm that thought.
He said, "oh, Sandi, he's so beautiful." And I knew. By that simple statement I knew it was true. Grayson didn't make it.
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